I Meditate Since 21 Years

Aug. 28, 2012 No Comments Posted under: Meditation


When you read the title you may think, wow – 21 years! To be honest it means nothing. If you meditate 21 years, 6 months or 2 weeks – the paste of your growth lies totally in your hand. You can jump into the water at day one or you can take a break along your way as long as you like, it’s totally up to you. 21 years may give you more experiences and you certainly don’t struggle with early mornings anymore due to the fact that meditation has become an established part of life but it doesn’t guarantee you a thoughtless meditation every time. The difference between a human and a yogi is just that the yogi never stops trying.

My way started in December 1990. I was on my way from Hamburg to Denmark where I had rented a house in the middle of nowhere. In my luggage were lots of paper, my typewriter (yes, a typewriter, computers were science fiction), clothes, 10 gr. of speed and 2 bottles of Vodka. The reason why I drove there was to finish my first 1 ½ hour solo program as a stand-up comedian and to practice a bit more black magic, something I’d become familiar with during the past 6 months.

Acting was at that time only a hobby for me. I earned my money as a freelance tour- and promotion manager for a major record company. My job was very well paid so that I could afford my acting lessons and my start in small theatres. On top of the great salary I was able to meet famous people through my work. I had lunch with Joe Cocker, dined with Tina Turner, shook hands with Grace Jones and stayed a few unforgettable days in Nuernberg with Freddy Mercury. I was on the peak of my career and yet I felt a big emptiness inside me. I kept asking myself the question, how it is possible that I can’t be satisfied when I have everything I could ask for? A restlessness and great dissatisfaction entered me and prompted me to go deep into drugs and alcohol. I saw my stay in Denmark as a last chance I gave the world and my life.

After 5 days I had used most of my drugs and the Vodka bottles were empty. I hadn’t written one useful page, but I had done my black magic exercises. On that evening, after I had another line of speed, a strong angst entered me. I’m normally not a fearful person, but this was different. It was like a warning which came from deep inside, and it said that if I go only one step further with this magical stuff I won’t have it under control any more- even worst – it will have me under control. I took that warning seriously. Immediately I threw all the cards, books and other supplies into the garbage and stopped persuading this direction. But from there on I prayed to meet my r e a l master.

When I returned to Hamburg it looked like nothing has changed. I was still successful in my work, but the emptiness remained. There was nothing in my life to give me hope or value. I read more books, I went to many so called Gurus, but all these were dead end streets, I was fed up with second-hand-knowledge and decided to go on a journey to find the truth.

In February 1991 I quit my job, gave up all my financial security, sold most of my belongings and bought a one way ticket to Bangkok. A lot of people thought I was crazy, but having found out that you can’t buy happiness with money, I did not care what anyone thought. I stayed four months in Thailand and traveled from the South to the North always looking for the ‘truth’. I even lived for 6 weeks in a Buddhist monastery and learned vipassana meditation. I felt calm and happy, but somehow I knew that it was too early to return home. Asking the divine for guidance, I suddenly caught a glimpse of an advertisement from a travel agency while I was walking down the streets of Chiang Mai. I turned and looked again, than I knew where to go next. Katmandu!

My plane left the next day. As soon as the plane landed I felt like I was coming home. This country was so familiar to me although I’ve never been there before.

I had brought a lot of amphetamine which you can get in Thailand without prescription to make my stay more colourful. After a 3 week trip through the beautiful Himalayas I returned to Katmandu. Meanwhile I had begun to really miss German food, and when I passed a little Austrian restaurant in the heart of Thamel, I couldn’t resist. What I found there on the table had changed my whole life and I felt very grateful for that little greedy moment where I would have done anything for mashed potatoes with sauerkraut and smoked pork chops.

What I found was a brochure on the table about Sahaja Yoga. The photo of Shri Mataji on the cover let me think for one second: “She looks like me”. And the next second I thought: “Nonsense she doesn’t look like me at all”. Later I heard a tape of Her where She said “I tried hard to make my body looking like all of you”. That explained to me why that thought popped into my head.

Anyway, Lisa the owner of that restaurant, started talking to me about Sahaja Yoga and I came to the class the following day. That was the end of all my worries, dissatisfaction, and restlessness. It was the beginning of a life which became so rich and valuable. Yes, I had my difficulties in the beginning. I could hardly accept meditating with the photo of Shri Mataji, because I didn’t feel the slightest vibration, neither cool nor warm. But after a couple of weeks I started to feel, and then I understood why the photo is necessary to help our spiritual growth.

Lisa told me later, that my right side was so hot, that she was wondering why I didn’t explode. She also taught me in one month everything imaginable about Sahaja Yoga. I learned about all the treatments and mantras. Lisa made me listen to lots of Shri Mataji’s talks, and gave me lectures to read. She just poured it all in to me. Some things were surprising; sometimes my ego really reacted though other things seemed completely logical. Deep inside I knew that I finally had found what I was looking for, and I felt that all the things Shri Mataji said were the truth. It all came together like ‘finishing a puzzle.’

I continued practicing the meditation and can now proudly call myself a Sahaja Yogi – even if there is still a long way to go. I found an answer to the questions which had troubled me for so long, and I discovered so many surprising qualities in me which I didn’t know that I had them. Needless to say that I never touched drugs or alcohol since, having found much better things in the world to put my attention on.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 28th, 2012 at 6:11 pm and is filed under Meditation. You can leave a comment and follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

Leave a Reply